When the Personal Becomes Political: Raising a Trans or Nonbinary Child in a Polarized World

The raising of children is full of unexpected challenges, but I never expected that simply declaring my son’s non -binary gender identity would become a political act. As a xer gen with two children, a 24 -year -old daughter and a 21 -year -old non -binary child, I have seen firsthand how something as deeply personal as gender identity is now a battlefield for debate and an invitation for unpaved and hateful words.

From family members who refuse to use the right pronouns to complete strangers who feel the right to express their opinions about the existence of my son, the trip has been revealing and exhausting. However, in the midst of the fight, I have found unwavering support in the communities that understand what is at stake.

This is our history, a reflection on the intersection of identity and politics in a deeply divided world.

*** Content warning: This essay contains brief mentions of depression and suicide. ***

My child’s gender identity is not in debate

In 2020, when I began to use them/they pronouns in reference to my youngest son, a Reiki practitioner who had once visited for a session told me to tell me that there are only two genres, men and women, and that my son was mentally ill and needed psychiatric help. This accompanied an anti-«awakened» diatribe about gender ideology and indoctrination in our schools.

By the way, Here is a list of 30 statements of medical organization in support of gender statement care.

When mentioning being a father or having children, the first two questions are always:

1. «Child (s) or girl (s)?»
2. «How many years?»

For those of us with non -binary children, that first question comes along with a fleeting mental evaluation: what is I about to say?

My answer: «I have a 24 -year -old daughter and my 21 -year -old son is not binary,» is no longer simply the answer to a personal question. We like it or not, it is a political statement.

There are three general answers:

1. The person «understands it» and supports unconditionally.
2. The person does not «understand», but try to understand it and it’s fine with that.
3. The person does not «understand», he does not want and has no intention of trying.

I know that not everyone will «get it», but the effort to understand and not make it an argument about my son’s right to exist is the important part here. I always appreciate those who make an effort to use the right pronouns. Even if they stumble, their willingness to try is all. After all, we are all human doing the best we can.

If the concepts surrounding gender expression are new or unknown, I recommend visiting The Trevor project‘s Guide to be an ally of transgender and non -binary young people.

Navigating gender identity and parenting in a changing world

Not everyone makes that effort. Some of my own family members refuse to use the right pronouns: despite the years of conversations, explanations and evidence backed by the investigation that show that gender statement reduces depression and the risk of suicide.

Last summer, after four years of trying, I made an emotional plea. I told them how hurt and irrectated that I felt every time they turned my son. It didn’t matter. They refused to move.

And then, the political climate changed even more, reinforcing the resistance he had already faced at home when Trump signed an executive order last month declaring that there are only two genres. He felt like a slap on his face. For five years, I had tried to make these family members respect my son’s gender expression and now, the country’s leader was giving them permission not to do so. He reinforced his close mentality and cruelty.

What research on gender identity and mental health says

There is a reason why More than 90% of young LGBTQ+ say their well -being was negatively affected due to recent policy. His own existence is being politicized and debated.

According Facts of USA.Only 1.52% of the US population is identified as non -binary and 1.1% are identified as a transgender. Despite representing such a small percentage of the population, trans and non -binary people have become the focus of legislation, erroneous information and intense public scrutiny, often by those who refuse to listen to their experiences lived.

It really amounts to many people with big and hateful opinions about a small group of people who don’t mind knowing anything.

To say that I am worried about the direction in which our country seems to be directed is a euphemism. At the same time, it seems to be right now when I feel the most personally supported. Many people set out to communicate with my family after the elections.

How to support a non -binary or transgender child

Despite all this, I have learned that the real problem is not my son’s gender identity, it is the response of the world.

Although my husband and I are liberal and open -minded people, we were not immune to the fear of our children to leave. Some of his first connections with other trans and non -binary community members were on social networks. This community received them, but was also full of rejection stories. Made our son wonder: Will my own parents accept me?

Honestly, I understand. We live in a culture that constantly tells trans and non -binary children that they are a problem. As parents, we have to work twice more difficult to let our children know that our love and acceptance are unconditional. We fight in a uphill battle every day just to help our children find some sense of security in the world.

This is what I know:

• Looking up a trans or non -binary child is not inherently more difficult than raising any other child.
• The true challenges come from strangers: people who seem determined to hinder the lives of our children simply by who they are.

Building a support system: where parents can find help

Fortunately, there are some strong and support communities. Two that I have found particularly useful are on Facebook:

Whether you are here as a father or ally, I thank you deeply for reading. We are in this together. –Karin

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References:

1. Butler, J. (1990) Gender problems: feminism and the subversion of identity. London: Routledge.
2. Durwood L., McLaughlin KA and Olson Kr (2017). Mental health and self -esteem in young social transition transition. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 56, 116-123
3. Johns Mm,. Lowry R., Andrzejewski J., et al. (2019) Transgender identity and experiences of victimization of violence, use of substances, risk of suicide and sexual risk behaviors among high school students: 19 states and large urban school districts, 2017. MMWR Morbidity and mortality Weekly Report, 68, 67-71.
4. Kann, L., Mcmanus, T., Harris, Wa, Shanklin, SL, Flint, Kh, Queen, B., et al. (2018) Purveillance states of youth-unity risk behavior, 2017. Morbidity and mortality Weekly Report Surveillance summaries, 67 (8), 1-114.
5. Meyer, IH (2003) Prejudice, social stress and mental health in lesbian, gay and bisexual populations: conceptual problems and research evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 129 (5), 674-697.
6. The Trevor project. (2020). National Survey on Mental Health LGBTQ. New York, New York: The Trevor Project. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2024/#intro
7. https://www.abct.org/featued-article/why-pronouns-ar-important/