Emily Jamea, Ph.D..It is a sexual therapist, author and podcast host. You can find it here every month to share your last thoughts about sex.
«Do you want to have a drink?»
We all know what that means, right?
Alcohol and sex have long connected in our culture, from romantic representations in the media to casual references in social environments. But, when it comes to the sexual health of women, the role of alcohol is more complicated than its charm suggests. While a glass of wine may seem to improve intimacy or facilitate inhibitions, the effects of alcohol in sex, particularly for women, deserve a closer look.
He United States General Surgeon I just issued a notice that highlights the link between alcohol and cancer, which led the conversation about alcohol to everyone’s mind. It also made me think about the dialogue I have with my clients about the role that alcohol plays in their sexual relationships and lives.
Take Sarah and Bill, a couple who came to see me to help handle problems with sexual desire. They had noticed a gradual decrease in the frequency with which they had sex over the years, particularly after having children. They did everything possible to keep the fire alive. They had nighttime appointments once a month in their favorite Italian place, where the sommelier quickly recommended the best wine bottle to accompany the special night.
Bill waited those nights because it was more or less the only night every month that he and Sarah had «good» sex, as he described. The rest of the times they had sex, it was clear that she felt like a task for her. Bill was bothered that Sarah seems to participate for a sense of obligation versus a genuine interest in wanting to connect. Sarah did not understand why Bill was dissatisfied. He felt that his monthly night appointment sex was fantastic, citing him like one night a month that his «inner bitch» came out. She felt Bill should be grateful because she knew she became more persecuted than many of her friends on those nights.
It would have been easy to work with what Bill and Sarah said to the letter. He could have stressed that the night of the appointment gave them the opportunity to be away from the children and connect emotionally, so Sarah felt more sexual. It could have cited the «sex model good enough», which essentially reminds couples that establish realistic expectations for the quality of their sexual lives in long -term relationships. But when exploring more, I also learned that Sarah, often felt stressed after a long day of work, found a glass of wine helped her relax at the end of the day and went out when the children put on moans. She already the other mothers of the softball team loved how she felt his Stanley with pampering at the games on Saturday morning. I worried that I had developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and could be using it as a tool to free its sexual inhibitions once a month with Bill. He was curious to know who would be in the without alcohol as a crutch and how his relationship with Bill could change.
The more you drink, the more you trust to drink
I started explaining to Sarah to use alcohol to remove the advantage of a long day, it can actually be more irritable. Alcohol has a complicated relationship with anxiety.
Initially, drinking can create a feeling of relaxation and ease of depressing the central nervous system and increasing the effects of GABAA neurotransmitter that promotes calm. However, in the long run, alcohol can worsen the anxiety in several ways. After drinking, the brain tries to restore balance by reducing the GABA and increasing other important neurotransmitters. This can lead to greater anxiety and irritability the next day. Second, alcohol interferes with ReM sleep and the general quality of sleep, which leads to fatigue and greater emotional instability, which can make anxiety worse. Finally, using alcohol to deal with anxiety can lead to trust, which makes it difficult for the brain to handle stress naturally. This can create a vicious circle where more alcohol is needed to achieve the same soothing effect.
The initial feelings of calm that a bottle of shared wine gave Sarah probably contributed to feeling more sexually free on appointment nights, but I was not surprised to know that, although I was more willing to explore new things in bed, Sarah Rarah reached orgasm on Saturday nights. Alcohol is a depressive, which means that slows the central nervous system. This may have a significant impact on Sexual response. For women, drinking alcohol can reduce excitement and sensitivity because blood flow decreases to erogenous zones. This can lead to difficulties in achieving orgasm or experiencing less pleasant sensations.
Read: science behind orgasms: what is happening when you are getting it >>
Standardization of drinking cultivation
Given what he knew about the dynamics of his relationship, he was less concerned about consent as a problem between Sarah and Bill, but it is important that all women remember that alcohol harms decision making, which can lead to risky sexual behaviors or situations where consent becomes ambiguous or impossible. My biggest concern was that Sarah’s dependence on alcohol to reduce her sexual inhibitions had led Bill to Bill’s emotional detachment and a diminished capacity to connect authentically. This disconnection probably contributed to sex to fall flat outside its monthly appointment.
I felt that it was important to remind Sarah that the gradual way that alcohol had dropped into his life (at least in part) the result of alcohol companies deliberately. orientation women exactly like her. Alcohol marketing has evolved to directly attract women, taking advantage of issues of empowerment, relaxation and self -care. Campaigns often use slogans such as «Mommy Juice» or «Rosé all day», glamorizing alcohol as an coping mechanism for the stress of life. This directed marketing increases the risk of dependence, because it creates a normalized culture of routine alcohol consumption.
I challenged Sarah to a 60 -day sobriety challenge to explore how her life could change without alcohol. She did not meet the Diagnostic criteria For alcoholism, but I felt that their first free month would reveal problems that lurked under the surface and the following month would give us time to implement the change. Then I could decide if and how much I wanted to reintroduce alcohol in your life.
Alcohol
Sarah discovered that being sitting in her car for a few minutes and breathing with deep breathing before picking up the children assumed a lot to help her calm her nervous system before making the transition to mom’s manner. He was pleasantly surprised to discover that softball mothers did not give him difficulty skipping the time of the mimosa, and even inspired a couple of them to change to morning coffee. She and Bill had a good dinner without a visit of the sommelier, but she was surprised to discover how sexually inhibited she felt when they tried to make love later that night. We spent several sessions in therapy exploring the root of their sexual hangings, and gave their strategies to overcome them. He took a couple of months, but finally took advantage of his interior sober fox. He opened with joy to discover that uninhibited sober sex was infinitely more pleasant than sex with the numb effect of the drink. And what is more, discovered that she really wanted her husband more frequently among the appointment nights.
Sarah enjoys the occasional glass of wine or cocktail today, but completely transformed her relationship with alcohol and, as a result, drastically improved the quality of her sexual life.
The relationship between alcohol and sexual health of women is a complex problem that goes beyond the occasional cocktail. Moderate consumption may feel harmless, but physical, psychological and relational impacts can be deep. As alcoholism continues to increase among women, fueled by target marketing and cultural normalization, it is more important than ever promoting conversations about empowerment, consciousness and authentic connection, without alcohol as a central piece.
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