Happy new year!
I hope that your new year has gone well so far and that 2024 is better than you can imagine at this time. My vacation and the new year were very calm and peaceful on the outside, which means that the noise in my head has been deafeningly strong. The new year raises many things: the reflection of the previous 12 months, the pressure of defining what you want in 2024 and weight loss messages everywhere (I increased significantly this year by injections). I found myself trying to numb the noise my head decorating all Christmas trees and consuming many media: social networks, podcasts, books, television, movies … that (they don’t surprise) were only temporary escapes. As I did not make a complete summary of Christmas decoration as in the past, I will share some photos here before entering a longer update.
You can watch a video of the Holiday House tour in Instagram either Tiktok.
There were more trees, but I think you get the essence!
Now to address silence: I do not share this because I think people are waiting with the breath contained so that I can publish a new blog post, but because I need to get this out of myself. I started this blog almost 15 years ago. No one knew what a blog was, Instagram did not exist, and I only had about 20 and so many randoms in Kentucky who wanted to share some things on the Internet with the hope that I would not feel so alone. I did not leaked what I shared. There were publications on getting stripes in a zebra form in a spray tan cabin, the fact that I was a fat girl with a small car and other random jokes and observations. There was also a great weight loss approach, something that I let go many years ago while diverting me from the culture of the diet. I have been lucky that so many people continue to worry about what I have to say for so long, even when I have evolved as a person.
With the increase in social networks, divided attention and the creation of content/»influence» in a large industry, there is pressure to make more, produce images or higher quality videos, fight for eyeballs, «cure» a food , winning followers, becoming viral … and everything made me doubt myself and what I was doing. Every time I felt falling into the prison of «My content is not good enough», I had to remember the roasted zebra stripes and «fat girl in a small car.» At that time, I was being myself regardless of who paid attention. My desire was never being a «creator», having most of the followers, or being the most demanded with the brands.
On the other side of the pressure to highlight among the noise online is the fear of standing out too much. People on the Internet can be so cruel: there is a fine line between reaching people who could find something useful about their message and reach people who wish to tear it. Gordo hatred is so strong and technology makes it so easy for people to throw some hateful comments without taking into account who is at the other end of the screen. It is really disgusting, and avoidance is a way of omitting all that.
Peloton Christine d’Ercole’s instructor often repeats this appointment in her classes: «The most powerful thing that anyone can tell us is what we tell ourselves.» The things I told myself in 2023 were much harder than anyone outside could tell me. If a friend said these things out loud about herself, she couldn’t let her stand up.
Then, in 2024, I don’t stop it. What mattered 15 years ago is the same as matters today: that I feel comfortable appearing completely, authentic and imperfectly. In doing so, maybe I can make you think of something in a different way, present a new perspective or make you feel seen and less alone. Selfishly, I also hope to feel more seen and less alone. At least, continuing to share that I have stayed faithful to myself and I did not feel for fear that someone does not like what I have to say.
Thanks for being here. ❤️
